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Sunday, 22 November 2009

  • IRRITATED

    I'm hot even though the heat in the house is not on right now.

    I'm so irritated.  Like so bored, but ugh!!!

    I just wanna ...

    Well, 3 days this week.  Not looking forward to them. This year, Thanksgiving falls on my mom's b-day :) and I know what I want to get her :)

    I'm gonna get some food. =\


Tuesday, 17 November 2009

  • Short Rant_(aka I'm annoyed...)

    I gotta avoid Panford tomorrow.  I don't want to talk to him.  I don't need to.  I already know what my problem is and I will attend to it as soon as I get through some of the top priority problems.
    I'm working on my attendance since I've been late to my morning classes for more than a week.

    Last week, I was on time to my morning class on Tuesday and Thursday, now I have to do the same for the other one.  I don't want to speak to him.  I don't wanna discuss anything, I have other problems stressing my poor brain.

    And the problems are MOSTLY not school related.  My "school related problem" is I'm unfocused and have no discipline this semester. There.  Drop it. Leave me alone, PLEASE!


Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • Have you ever been unable to reconcile a friendship? What happened?

    Yes. Two friends to be exact.  The reason for this could be how I acted.  

    What happened between me and these 2 friends differs for both of them.

    Victor Dejesus.  He had a xanga: NeoNXToshiro (I think it's still active, I doubt he has come back to xanga just to shut it down).   He had another one prior to this but that is besides the point.
    We had an argument via xanga and since then, we haven't been "friends".  I did apologize sometime during high school.  However, things didn't go back to normal or semi normal.  Now we don't talk at all.  I've had tried to keep in touch with him via facebook and AIM, but he rarely uses it and doesn't respond to me most of the time.  He deleted his facebook.
    I haven't talked to him since the second year of college maybe sometime in the fall of 08.  I miss him, I miss talking to him, but oh well.  Can't do anything about that.  A mutual friend said that I might have had "feelings" for him, but I denied that.  I still do, but maybe I did. *shrugs* I don't know.

    Jorge Luis.  We were introduced through a mutual friend who is his neighbor and my best friend.  During this pass summer, we became good buddies.  I txted him and would meet up with him, my best friend, and two other of their neighbors and hang out.  During July...ignorance became bliss and I got drunk off it.  Like a dumbass I txted something stupid and then revealed my orientation (if you know what I mean).  Then I continue to fuck shit up more.  I "declared" something and well...I refused another thing, and I lost my cool (to say the least).  I did apologize after some time of cooling off.  During August, a week before college started again, I sent him an IM via AIM and he replied not to contact him anymore by facebook or AIM.  No other explanation was given.  In the end, I had to accept this and move on.  I did write on his facebook wall on the second to last week of October and received no response.  I had anticipated that and I haven't wrote on his wall since. 

    So two friendships dead and gone...I may try again with Jorge, but I probably won't and I shouldn't.  Makes no sense to try.  Yeah, I'm the fucking master of friendship indeed.  I'm an anti-social prick and I haven't been looking around to make friends since I came back to school (not to say I haven't been talking to people or staying in contact with my friends).

    :-\

       

    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Sunday, 08 November 2009

  • "Love" letter or something like that

    Dear love,

    I have a question.  Are you making me unstable mentally, emotionally, and physically?
    Are you this poison inside me that I'm allowing to infect and corrupt my system?  Are you a punishment from a divine power?  Before I go naming you as the reason for my spiraling journey to rock bottom, I need to know.  Are you the cause of it?  I'm not sure, all I can say is my feelings are going against me causing me to not think with my head.  My common sense is here with me, but it's not getting through.  Are you the filter? Is it something else?  For two weeks, I haven't "felt" like doing this or I "felt" like doing that. 

    I don't understand what is going on.  I feel that I am being guided by my feelings/mood and they aren't leading in a good direction, yet I fail to oppose their guidance (lead).  Are you responsible for this, love?  I have begun to wonder if maybe if it is just a desire for something else that is distracting me from my work.  I don't feel smitten.  Oh man, I am not sure what's going on with me.  I care, however, I don't feel like it.  I guess it could be partly blamed on laziness, but it's not just that.  Other interests are just being pushed ahead of the academics is all.

    I don't believe you are the reason for my feelings becoming so dominant over me.  However, you are a catalyst.  So you are partially to blame.  *sigh* So confusing you are.  I'm gonna sleep on this on the problem some more and see what comes up.

    Sincerely,
    Anonymous
    Currently
    Away From The Sun
    By 3 Doors Down
    see related

Wednesday, 04 November 2009

  • Thoughts From Tuesday Afternoon

    Today was a slightly interesting day but a day full of thinking of the future.

    I've been slacking terribly this semester and that is unlike me.

    Not to mention I'm late to classes that start at 11:30am.  >.>
    I'm staying later than ever (due to my mother not being home).

    *gathering thoughts*

    I'm slacking in math by not doing homework and I wasn't going to class for a good 2 to 4 weeks.
    Prior to that, I was going to class once a week (even though it met twice a week).

    My African American studies class (Problems in the Black community a.k.a. Community Problems)(it meets my sociology requirement), I have been late to before, but I've been regularly late for awhile now and caring very little about it.  We'll see if I get there on time or early today.

    So in math class today, I was thinking what to do if I fail math (which seems very likely).  My gpa will suffer tremendously, though I hope it can still get me to spring semester.  I also thought about how I will be next semester.  If I'm slacking this hard now, oh my goodness.  Compared to last semester (Spring 09), I didn't really slack off.  I did what I was suppose to do and only suffered an incomplete for 1 class. 

    I also hope my financial aid doesn't ditch me before Spring semester. 
    I'm hoping to iron out my mistakes for the African American studies class, b/c I am already down a bad road for math and there's no detour.


About Me

  • Hi! I'm 20, living in Brooklyn. I like to write as long as I'm in the mood for it. I like playing Dance Dance Revolution and other games. I go to school full time (currently sort of searching for work). I'm on most social networks cause real life socializing is a pain in the butt. I've been a xanga user for six years, but had this account for five. Come and read and leave a comment(if you wish).

Chatboard (6)

  • vegetasupersayin
    Havent talked to you in about a year! Hello!
  • princeichigo
    same to you.
  • RDRRain23
    http://into-the-lens.xanga.com/703341297/writers-block---the-musical/?page=1&jump=1488449549&leftcmt=1#1488449549an upbeat poem, that i liked, that i hope will be a good read for you.
  • DRWispureofheart
    @RDRRain23 - Thanks, I'm trying.
  • RDRRain23
    hey i read your blog about dark thinking and i know we all have those days, but you have to get your anger out and then keep your head up. Keep moving forward. peace
  • jamey007
    hi thanks for adding me :)

DRWispureofheart

  • Visit DRWispureofheart's Xanga Site
    • Name: Darnell
    • Country: United States
    • State: New York
    • Metro: New York City
    • Birthday: 3/20/1989
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 9/16/2004
    • True

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